Too much time on our hands

Unless you’re like Drew Barrymore’s character in 50 First Dates you know that it is Super Bowl time. And unless you’ve been living in a bomb shelter since the Cold War you know that it is time to pull out all the stops: all the experts, all the players, all the coaches, all the fans, and all of ANYTHING else you can think of to predict the winner.

With two weeks between the Championship games and the biggest football game of the year—as well as a 24/7 news cycle that includes five live hours of SportsCenter everyday—every media outlet has way too much time on their hands. And when that happens, the craziness ensues.

Just look at the Michael Vick drama. Breaking news glowed red over half of my television one morning to say that Vick was making an appearance at a local school. Man, did I need to know that one.

I also watched—via a live helicopter feed—Brett Favre, his wife Deanna, and Vikings’ coach Brad Childress make the trek from the airport to Minnesota headquarters during the whole will he/won’t he return from retirement extravaganza.

So I was not surprised when I watched SportsCenter this morning and discovered who—or rather what—ESPN has added to the annual Super Bowl picks. A video game. And a gorilla. (And no, I am not calling any of the broadcasters a gorilla. It was an actual gorilla.)

An EA games simulation predicted that the Saints would win Sunday. They even showed key plays, such as Joseph Addai and Reggie Bush scoring touchdowns. And of course Peyton Manning throwing a bomb to Reggie Wayne. Wayne then becomes air born after the tackle and rotates like helicopter wings into the end zone. This better actually happen in the game. It looked sweet.

Now, according to SportsCenter, you should be paying attention to this simulation. It has correctly predicted 5 of the last 6 Super Bowls and almost predicted the exact score of this year’s championship games. I don’t know if I should just chalk it up to interesting coincidence, or be fearful that ESPN has a device that can tell the future.

I’ll give ESPN this one. But just wait for what happened next.

A gorilla was given two paper mache footballs filled with things gorillas like to eat. One football had a Saints logo, the other a Colts one. The gorilla ignored the Colts one altogether, and immediately went for the Saints one. So, Saints are winning the Super Bowl. I mean, who wouldn’t believe a gorilla?

So, for those who have money on the game: pick the Saints. A video game and a gorilla told you too. What more do you want?!